I am transsexual. I thought about this the last couple of months. At first I came to understand, that I don't want to be a boy because I hate masculinity and I hate having a penis. But I wasn't sure if I wanted to be a girl, so I decided to label myself as "agender", someone who's neither male nor female. However I didn't feel happy about it. It didn't feel right. I needed to think more about it. As time passed I felt more and more like wanting to be cute and I would argue that in general I behaved more like a girl than a boy. But I was unsure, like with a lot of things, so I needed confirmation.
Makoto Shinkai's hit film your name. had its german premiere last week and so I came to watch it for the first time. It's a film about a girl swapping bodys with a boy. It begins with the boy called Taki waking up for the first time in the body of the girl called Mitsuha. He is confused. He touches Mitsuhas breasts because he isn't used to having them and as he stands in front of a mirror, he screams and the film cuts to Mitsuha waking up in her own body on the next day. Everything Taki did happened for real but Mitsuha can't remember anything. I mean, that's likely, she wasn't in control of her own body.
On the next day Mitsuha wakes up in the body of Taki. She is as confused as Taki. She feels having something between her legs and when she feels like going to the toilet, she is embarrassed. The first day in Takis body is weird to her, but it's something she always dreamt of. She stated, that she wanted to be a boy in Tokyo in her next life and on the next day her dream kind of comes true. As swapping bodys becomes a regular thing between Mitsuha and Taki, they think of ways to talk with each other. Both of them write diaries. In that way they know what the other one did the day before. Both of them have a different behavior when they swap - Taki just does what he wants, when he is in Mitsuhas body, but Mitsuha is living a normal life in Takis body. It becomes more clear that Mitsuha wants to be Taki.
I want to talk about my favorite moment in the film, when Mitsuha finally realizes that she wants to be Taki. She is standing in front of a mirror, looking into her face and she starts crying. She thinks about the date, she organized for Taki with his colleague, on which Taki has a crush on. But Mitsuha wants to participate in that date. She is the one who actually wants to date Taki's colleague. That's when I felt: "Woah, that's relatable". She even cuts her hair and afterwards she looks more like a boy. I realized, I felt a bit like her. I'm living a life, I don't want and I am having a body, I don't want. Just like Mitsuha. All at once, I understood something, but I wasn't quite sure yet what I understood.
It wasn't until the next day that I came to fully understand that I wanted to be female. Someone on German AniTube uploaded a video about her feelings about your name.. The thumbnail has a nice gag which translates to "Why doesn't it feel right?" and I saw that thumbnail, where Taki in Mitsuhas body is touching her breasts the whole day in my subscription feed on Youtube. Sometimes I thought: "I would like to do this too", but not in a lewd way, I just wanted to have breasts. That was my finale confirmation that I am transsexual.
Some days before watching your name. I felt like wanting to look like Miki from Idolmaster. At first it was a short thought but I thought about it more often and often and that's why I gave myself the name "Miki". I wasn't sure about being trans for months but then I saw your name. and it resonated with me. It showed me the truth and I'm happy about it.
Makoto Shinkai's hit film your name. had its german premiere last week and so I came to watch it for the first time. It's a film about a girl swapping bodys with a boy. It begins with the boy called Taki waking up for the first time in the body of the girl called Mitsuha. He is confused. He touches Mitsuhas breasts because he isn't used to having them and as he stands in front of a mirror, he screams and the film cuts to Mitsuha waking up in her own body on the next day. Everything Taki did happened for real but Mitsuha can't remember anything. I mean, that's likely, she wasn't in control of her own body.On the next day Mitsuha wakes up in the body of Taki. She is as confused as Taki. She feels having something between her legs and when she feels like going to the toilet, she is embarrassed. The first day in Takis body is weird to her, but it's something she always dreamt of. She stated, that she wanted to be a boy in Tokyo in her next life and on the next day her dream kind of comes true. As swapping bodys becomes a regular thing between Mitsuha and Taki, they think of ways to talk with each other. Both of them write diaries. In that way they know what the other one did the day before. Both of them have a different behavior when they swap - Taki just does what he wants, when he is in Mitsuhas body, but Mitsuha is living a normal life in Takis body. It becomes more clear that Mitsuha wants to be Taki.
It wasn't until the next day that I came to fully understand that I wanted to be female. Someone on German AniTube uploaded a video about her feelings about your name.. The thumbnail has a nice gag which translates to "Why doesn't it feel right?" and I saw that thumbnail, where Taki in Mitsuhas body is touching her breasts the whole day in my subscription feed on Youtube. Sometimes I thought: "I would like to do this too", but not in a lewd way, I just wanted to have breasts. That was my finale confirmation that I am transsexual.
Some days before watching your name. I felt like wanting to look like Miki from Idolmaster. At first it was a short thought but I thought about it more often and often and that's why I gave myself the name "Miki". I wasn't sure about being trans for months but then I saw your name. and it resonated with me. It showed me the truth and I'm happy about it.
<3
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